wow...

i'm thankful today... not that i'm not thankful other days, but today... wow... a friend took me out to lunch and it was so great... i basically spilled my guts about everything going on in my life, and then i said, "okay... advice? thoughts?" which is what i've been getting a lot of lately... a lot... a lot... a lot... and he just said, "you've already gotten enough advice... i'm just here to be ears..."

i went to 2 different churches this morning... i went to visit a church in the area and then i went to the church i'm a member of... there are things i gleaned from the church i visited... the feeling is very evident in my life... i think i'm moving soon... i'm not sure where... i'm not sure what i'll do... 2 things are certain... i have a job right now (that i plan on keeping until i can find something else) and school starts tomorrow... (which i'm getting excited about again...) other than those two things, i'm not sure what is next... which is kind of half-scary, half-fun... and i've been hearing so much stuff about elijah lately... i need to be studying more stuff about elijah... i even wrote in my journal as i heard more about elijah today "what are You trying to teach me, Daddy?" i will probably post what i learn...

i got an email from one of my campers which was so encouraging... i've been wondering if i would hear anything from any of them and i've been meaning to email them, and was planning on it tomorrow during school breaks... so that was awesome... i'm going to email her back right now!!!

i got to talk to my brother today for 45 minutes... my brother is one of the coolest people i've ever had the privilege of knowing... when we were kids and i cheated at all the games and ALWAYS won, he didn't get mad at me and always still played with me... and when we played super mario on nintendo and i had messed up on something dumb (because i was mario always) and it was his turn and i hit restart, he didn't get mad at me... and now... i look up to him so much, not only in the physical sense, since he is WAY taller than me... but in the spiritual sense... he has a huge heart and is totally devoted to the ministry he's invested in right now... even if it is challenging and not always what he expected... and he laughs at the same jokes as me... i hate that i don't get to see him all the time (i took it for granted in college when i saw him almost everyday) because he lives on the east coast now and i live on the west coast... anyway... enough praise for my brother... he's just SO GREAT!!!

and... whoever wrote the anonymous comment from the "camp" entry... you have no idea... really... no idea... thank you... i don't know if the anonymity was on purpose or not... but thank you...

random thoughts all piled together... what do you expect? it's the way my mind works!!!

is that it? i'm not going to church tonight... i think i'm going to go "be" for a while... i have some "vision" stuff to work on and want to read and just "be" and maybe do a bit of studying up on some stuff... just take a break before school starts tomorrow... i may go buy school supplies... I LOVE SCHOOL SUPPLIES!!! (even if it makes me a nerd!)

oh... i will add some websites, much from the prompting of amy...

9. http://thesountrackofmydreams.blogspot.com - amy's blog which is awesome...
10. www.homestarrunner.com - which is really funny, but i'm never at a computer that is fast enough with sound to be able to enjoy it fully...

that's going to be all for right now... i might add more later... and another website i look at is another friend's blog, but i don't have permission to post it on my blog right now, so i won't... i've never looked at www.funtrivia.com - so i'll have to check it out sometime...

okay, i'm going to go play for a while... have fun!

irregardless...

i was just thinking about this random part of my life... since i moved to the northwest, i've heard a lot of people using the "word" irregardless... i don't know if other people in my life said it and i just didn't notice until this year or if it's a cultural thing... regardless... (is a word) i decided to look it up on dictionary.com... and here's what i found out...

2 entries found for irregardless.
ir·re·gard·less ( P ) Pronunciation Key (r-g舐dls)adv. Nonstandard
1. Regardless.
2. [Probably blend of irrespective, and regardless.]
Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.

and while i'm on the subject... dictionary.com is one of my current favorite websites... i find it very helpful on many occasions... so now, i'm going to make a short list of some of my current favorite websites... (some new to me, some not so new)

1. www.80stees.com (thanks, amy, for this introduction... good times!)
2. www.imdb.com (i think it's the best movie website around)
3. http://web.tickle.com (a fun website to go and take random tests from time to time)
4. http://espn.go.com (i find espn.com very helpful on a regular basis)
5. http://allposters.com (if you're bored with nothing to do, you can look through endless posters!!!
6. http://dictionary.reference.com (dictionary.com - as mentioned above...)
of course, i use www.blogger.com and http://mail.yahoo.com all the time, too...

and i just realized i can check my email on my phone - this has brought much joy and heartache to my life... joy - as i can check my email often... heartache - as i don't get as much email as i think i do...

lots o' random stuff for today... it's kind of where my mind is... i'm supposed to actually be working on stuff, but will probably wait until i get home... or do it on monday! i did get one thing accomplished, sort of... i created a logo on publisher for the ministry i've had in my head for the last several months... it's a work in progress... but a start, anyway... i've had it on paper, but trying to make it into a computer-friendly logo is a different story... has some more tweaking to go, for sure... maybe eventually, i'll figure out how to post it on my blog!

have a happy weekend!!!

too much seriousness...

there has been too much seriousness in my life the last couple of days... some recent remedies i've had to try and combat the adult-ness of life are as follows:

1. staying up until 3:30 a.m. watching a funny movie...
2. drinking a 64 oz. diet coke at 1:30 a.m. (that's a very large soda... i learned the hard way that i should carry a 64 oz. soda with two hands... thanks mr. am/pm for cleaning up the mess!)
3. eating red vines (my new potential favorite candy)
4. sitting in front of a computer for 2 hours trying to write one email and write on my blog... (waste of time... the joy of it!)
5. getting a package from a friend that had two packs of fun dip and a great picture of the cutest little boy ever! (my cup overflows)

hopefully there will be more to come as the day goes on... i got some pictures back from camp... i really don't have the patience today to try and figure out how to post them on my blog, so that will wait until a different day...

overwhelming encouragement has been surrounding me today... i feel refreshed by it... i'm thankful for people around me who encourage me... my cup really does overflow... even in recent discouragement and tons of tears... my Daddy knows what He is doing!

camp...

camp was incredible... i figured it up in my head and i've been a staffer for 35 weeks of camp over the last 5 years... i would say that this is probably the best week i have ever had staffing camp... more than ever, i was able to build relationships with students and learn so much about my Daddy and the way He works... for the first time, i saw students making life-changing decisions that i can really see as being life-changing decisions and not just summer-changing decisions...

what is cool is that i have never felt so unprepared for camp... training was one day, so most of the time, we were throwing programs together an hour before they were about to happen... i am used to having 2 weeks to plan everything out and doing rehearsals/run-throughs... in the midst of it, i think it was better to go unprepared, in some cases... it was way fun, anyway...

but the best part of the week for me was personal stuff... i kind of went expecting students to grow and be challenged and encouraged... too bad i walked away with that, too... i've lived in the northwest for a year not knowing what i'm supposed to be doing... i'm in seminary and when people ask me what i'm in seminary for, i generally laugh and say something like, "are you supposed to know what you want to do when you're in graduate school?" i've seriously had very little to no idea what direction i'm supposed to be going in... i've been really open to whatever, but nothing has really fit... until now...

throughout the week, i began to see what i'm supposed to be doing... youth ministry... some of it kind of came up last semester - i had an idea, vision for a youth/sports outreach... i have the logo, even... and i'm really not sure how it all fits... but i really feel like it's something... teenage years are HUGE, developmentally speaking... i think a lot of times they're either treated as children or expected to act as adults... they are neither children nor adults... and my youth minister and his wife were some of the most influential in my growth stages, especially as a young Christian... i often find myself thinking, "i want to be just like Lori..." and then a camper said to me at camp, "i want to be just like you... to do the things you do..." (meaning working with youth - so she is starting to help out with the jr. high students) the minute she said those words, i was broken... i'm not sharing that story to say, "look at me... a teenage girl thought i was cool..." it was more like God saying "this is what i want with your life..." i have never felt so comfortable in ministry as i did last week... it fit...

now comes the hard part... i'm so frustrated with adults... honestly... now that i have more vision about what i'm supposed to do, i'm trying to see how i can be used in youth ministry... there is no opportunity for me to do so at my church... frustrating... do i leave behind the church family that i have been apart of the last year to find a place where i can be involved in youth ministry?? do i stay and work with college students or children even though i know that's not what i feel called to do?? frustrating...

and the worst part about it all is the responses i've gotten since i've been back... "don't make any decisions based on camp... camp is a mountain-top experience where you decide things emotionally... don't worry, reality will set in soon, and things will go back to normal..." no wonder students make summer-changing decisions and not life-changing decisions... too many people have told them, "don't worry, things will go back to normal..." no one expects camp to make a lasting impression... if we continue to put God in a box, will we ever see what He can do?

one more thought... i don't necessarily feel called to be a single female youth minister... this is definitely the hard part... i don't think that woman could minister to teenage boys as effectively as a man could... on the flip side, i don't think a man could minister to teenage girls as well as a woman could... there is definitely something to be said for team youth ministry (man and woman)... so i'm not sure where the other half of my team is... i rarely talk about being single on my blog... i don't like to even bring it up on such a public domain... but the truth of the matter is i don't feel called to singleness and sometimes being single and wanting to be a lot more settled than what i am frustrates me...

so i'm kind of stuck in a really weird place right now... very unsure about a lot of things... unsettled with few answers and more questions than i can begin to name...

i feel like my thoughts are very random and unorganized... but they're my thoughts nonetheless...

on that note, i will list my five for today...
1. being able to use the word "nonetheless" in a sentence.
2. lunch with a friend and walking afterwards (yea for exercise!)
3. being able to sleep in today... good times!
4. having an email/comment in my inbox today from a new friend who is so cool!!
5. the day isn't over so i could have 15-20 or more things to be happy about or thankful for today!!! (and the possibility of that makes me happy!)

sad times...

i had written a whole blog entry - a good one and now it's gone... without being published... sad!!!

so i guess it will have to wait until a different day!!!!

another one of "those" days...

today is another day when i wish i could open my head up and let my thoughts spill out through my fingers and find their way to the screen...

not sure if i will have another time to write about camp, so i better give details now... i get to work at a camp for the baptist association in and around seattle... the camp is called fuel and will actually be in canada... i will be a small group leader (sort of, i guess) for 8 sr. high girls... i'll be leading group discussions and such... it's patterned after super summer arkansas, but i never went, so i don't really know... the staffers will leave for camp on sunday and then the campers will come to camp on monday and it ends on friday... so right now i'm in seattle (or in the suburbs) helping get stuff ready for camp... i'm having a lot of fun, but i'm kind of in this weird state of mind... no words to explain it... when the possibility of camp first came up, i was so excited and had this huge anticipation... now i'm really feeling almost a non-reality about it... i know some of that is just that things are not fully in place... lots to do before then...

another thing in my head is a huge question looming over my head... more times than i care to talk about right now i was asked today about what i was going to do with my life... i think i'm going to start saying "underwater basket weaving." i know it doesn't make sense that i'm in school to do ministry and yet my job is at a retail crafts store in the framing department... i have a bachelor's degree in journalism/advertising and i'm not using it... i'm really hoping that the time away and being at camp will give me some huge clarity about a lot of stuff...

this may sound a bit strange, but i really just want a hug... there are times in my life when i just want to be wrapped up in a hug - the enveloping power that a hug offers... i want to know everything will be fine... and not just fine, but great...

okay, so i'm really tired of trying to figure out how to write out what's going on in my head... i'll offer a bit of randomness and go to bed...

today i got to label stuff with a label maker... this was very fun... i declared that the coolest technology ever invented (for today) was the label maker... i punched in what i wanted them to say, hit a button, and like magic, the label spits out and there is even a button to push to cut the label... it was very fun... but then tonight we were making name tags, and i must admit... the laminating machine is pretty cool... so maybe it's a toss-up... but really... to think about how far technology has come in the last decade... and i think the most fascinating machine of all (and quite possibly the most frustrating) is a fax machine... wow... a sheet of paper goes into a machine, the machine spits it back out and sends all the information along phone lines and then spits it out of another machine on a piece of paper... (or something like that...) crazy...

random movie quote of the day - as it was talked about today... the "A" and "B" are character names that are omitted... 500 points...

A: We have stuffed many pinatas for your birthday celebration!
B: How many pinatas?
A: Many pinatas, many!
B: "A", would you say I have a plethora of pinatas?
A: Yes, "B". You have a plethora.
B: "A", what is a plethora?

small...

in the last hour, i've read 3 emails from 3 very different friends from 3 very different parts of my life... and in the last hour, i have started to feel really small... (2. Limited in force or significance, or 3. Limited in degree or scope or 10. Lacking force or volume - dictionary.com)

one of my friends is getting married in less than a month... to me that is so huge... huge... a major life decision where she will actually be a grown up... (not that she doesn't act like a grown up now...) it's a big deal... the excitement and joy that come with getting married... wow... i don't really know what that feels like... i feel small... (definition #2, maybe 3)

one of my friends is moving... she is married and has a 3-year old little boy who is about the cutest thing ever... she and her husband (who are so incredibly cool) are opening a clothes shop/place to have shows in a cool old building... they have been wanting to move for some time and are finally really getting their dream (at least that's my take on it)... she'll be able to go back to school and they'll be close to family... they are going to be living their dream... there's this sense of permanence that i get from her emails... i don't know where i'm going to be living in a couple of months... i feel small... (definition #3, maybe 2)

another one of my friends just returned from a summer at camp... i love camp and missed it this year, even though i know my Daddy had other things planned for me... (and i get to go to camp for a week, too...) to hear her stories about camp and read what she is going through on her blog, i was taken aback... even brought to tears... to read about how God has taken her so far in the last 4 years... and to have known her and seen her grow through the last 2 has been amazing... she is a constant encouragement to me and one of the best friends i have ever had... i feel like i am a drain on her and that i learn from her, spiritually, but feel so incredibly weak, spiritually... i know i am in seminary, but i am still overwhelmed at how far "behind" i feel... i feel small... (definition #10)

i don't know how else to describe it... i feel a definite need, hunger, desparation for my Daddy, Abba.. i feel so weak, small...